DestroyingAngel's Vampire Journal

DestroyingAngel's Journal

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22:12 Sep 20 2012
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This is serious and I have to get it out on here. It's been a year and a half since my family and I last spoke to my mother. She has serious problms (physical, emotional and mental) and she called her step mother to call my sister and DEMAND that she call my mother asap. My gramma Shirley has not spoke to my sister and since my dad commited suicide so I dunno where the fuck that woman gets off barking demands to my sister. Probably because if she contacted me I would tell her to fuck off for being out of the picture longer than our mother. But...my sister is a bit of a push over in that respect. How dare she bark demands because my mother was too chicken shit to make the call herself. I admit...my mother acts as a real spoied child. She hates taking action on her own and she makes no effort to be in her family's life. She is wicked. Trust me. Her M.S. is acting up and she had a surgery due to M.S. complications. I get it. I understand it. What's more....I feel bad she has to go through it all.

What I don't understand is her lack of effort. My sister and I finally broke down and told her over the phone that she MUST get her ass in therapy with us BOTH. My mom has basically thrown me away (though she says she misses me deeply). I'm used to NOT having a mother in my life (to the tune of over ten years). But...my sister is hurt. For 12yrs she has shunned my nephew because of his Austism. That is my mother's ONLY grand child too! She claims she cannot communicate with him because he stems. We lucked out...most Autistic kids and teens cannot speak and sometimes cannot move. My nephew is 100% verbal. That is a blessing! It's funny how when he visits my home my roommates can communicate perfectly with him perfectly after just knowing him for a few mins. The bottom ine is that she makes ZERO effort in her family. If I were to list off all the shitty things she's said or did this entry would be the longest of all VR entires. Plus...she abuses her perscription narcotic pain medicine like crazy and EVERY time we do get to speak to her...she's loaded. She cannot finish sentences and she has my step father FINISH her words for her. That is NOT cool. She may need rehab.

Long story short...we agreed that in order for her to be apart of our lives and Christian's life (my nephew) she HAS to commit to getting her ass in a chair for therapy at least 1 to 2 times a week. No ifs ands or buts. Bottom line. NOTHING will change unless that happens...and the minute she doesn't...we will NOT speak to her ever again. It's really complicated. Another thing that we have to adress is a possible intervention if she doesn't lay off the 8 narcotic pain meds she over takes all the time. See, my mom has M.S. and though I can understand her pain...she always has to be in the most pain. Has to be in the 'spot light' with it. It's kinda sick. This is the same woman that visted me once when I was hospitalized with kidney failure. The whole time she was sitting at my bed side she talked about her pain and stayed only 30 mins because she claimed she was so uncomfortable that she had to go home. It sucked. She talks of pain...try having your kidneys start to fail. IT FUCKING HURTS LIKE HELL! She never asks how we are. She always wants to talk about her. It's always HER, HER, HER and she doesn't care about us. Things better change or she's gonna lose us all. We need this family therapy or we cannot make it. She is negative about EVERYTHING. She also feels that I am being hostile because I won't be sympathetic to her needs after she removed herself for almost two years from our life with NO reason why. Yeah...I am hostile.

Well...that road...works both ways. She needs to lay off being so damn selfish.

When I was asked if I love my mother by the therapist I said this:

"I feel nothing for that woman other than she's the ONLY mother and parent I have left. She simply needs to earn my love and trust back with therapy and time...but I am willing to try new things for the greater good and the happiness of this family."

The things that have happened in my family's life due to her childish selfish bullshit (plus the suicide of our father that she refused to talk about since day one have to come to a hault)!

This meeting with the therapist was actually just me and my sister telling her our side of the story (since she's only gotten one side from our mother that sugar coats EVERYTHING).

I cross my fingers.

I pray for good.

I am willing to do whatever it takes to bring this family together and my sister feels the same. I hope for the best...but like always...I'm prepared for the worst.

The basic need of having a mother involved in our life pains us because we haven't ever had it. Change is NEEDED. We gotta pull together.

Wish us luck, please.

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